Thoughts you have when taking your husband to hospital on a Friday night

  1. Oh, f*ck. It’s happening.
  2. Oh, sh*t. We’re going in.
  3. Oh, thank all the gods. Someone else can keep him alive.
  4. Oh f*ck. Oh sh*t. Thank God. On repeat.
  5. Which of our neighbours can I interrupt to drive him to hospital?
  6. Of course, of course, the only people at home on a Friday night and answering their door/phone are the people with two children that they are trying to get to sleep.
  7. Yes, you can have a shower before we go to hospital as long as it’s a quick shower.
  8. How about you sit down for a minute and try to catch your breath after your shower?
  9. Ok, I don’t fit in the car with the children and car seats. That’s ok. That’s fine. I’ll walk then.
  10. How does Dave always manage to be triaged before the other fifteen people waiting to be triaged? He has a gift. Truly.
  11. We are in the inner sanctum of ED and there are no health professionals around and he is having a hypo and we have zero sugar on our person. This is at the slightly concerning end of the spectrum.
  12. It turns out that the phrase “My husband has a blood sugar level of 2.5” gets the attention of doctors pretty quickly. Good to know.
  13. Could we stop the chatting and get him some oxygen please?
  14. His oxygen sats are at an acceptable level for the first time in weeks.
  15. And I’m back to thanking all the gods.
  16. Note to self: find the person who invented port-a-caths and kiss them. On the lips. More than once.
  17. Let’s google the relationship between hypoxia and lactate.
  18. Let’s wait a million years for my phone to connect to an internet signal in the bowels of ED.
  19. Huh, interesting. You learn something new everyday.
  20. How many people does it take to work out why the oxygen bottle is not working?
  21. Four. It takes four people.
  22. I remembered his lip balm and he thinks I am the greatest wife ever. (Which I am. Obvs.)
  23. He is telling me to go home but I don’t want to go home.
  24. He is still telling me to go home but I still don’t want to go home because I want to grill the doctor when she comes around since Dave won’t get enough specific information from her to sate my need for details.
  25. If I leave, the doctor will come around. If I stay, the doctor will not come around. Fact.
  26. Ok, fine, I will leave.
  27. I am walking home past a million people out and enjoying life. With seemingly not a care in the world.
  28. And smoking like chimneys.
  29. And drinking like sponges.
  30. Do they not value their health at all? Because health is everything. If you don’t have health, then the couch is your whole world. And it might be the most comfy couch ever, and the perfect shade of grey, and made to fit your living room to the exact millimetre, but at the end of the day, it’s just a couch.
  31. The doctor came around five minutes after I left. Figures.
  32. Do I really need to shower?
  33. Yes, I really need to shower.
  34. I am so tired.
  35. I can’t settle.
  36. I can’t switch off my mind.
  37. I can’t get rid of my adrenaline.
  38. Let’s hug a dog.
  39. Let’s hug two dogs.
  40. Let’s have a Valium.
  41. Let’s have two Valium.
  42. Let’s sleep.

One thought on “Thoughts you have when taking your husband to hospital on a Friday night

  1. Darling,

    Thanks you for your frank and humorous report.

    It helps us all to know what you and Dave have to cope with.

    And it helps us all to be celebrate being more human.




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